Injuries

All flight attendants get injured on the job. It’s just a matter of time and I’m sorry to say, unavoidable. Whenever we get hurt, the supervisors always ask us the same infuriating question: “What could you have done to prevent this?” Flight attendants can’t stand this question because the only valid response is, “Umm, not come to work?” First of all, it’s a physical job. We push, pull, and lift hundreds of pounds a day in bins and carts. Secondly, we’re in a metal tube 30,000 feet above the ground, flying 500 miles an hour through the air. What could possibly go wrong?     

Lots. Clear-air turbulence is the most dangerous. Pilots have radar to help predict turbulence and they warn each other over the radio about the ride ahead. But clear-air turbulence is always a surprise and not the good kind. This is when people get hurt. The kind of turbulence that throws you in the air, out of your shoes, dress up over your head. Yes, that happened to me, right in the middle of the aisle. Embarrassed, I asked my flying partner if he saw anything. He said, “I saw EVERYTHING.” 

When you’re thrown, it’s all about the landing. The landing determines the extent of the injury, especially if a cart is involved. Once my flying partner landed face down and came up with an imprint of the floor mat on her face. She was lucky she didn’t break anything. 

Speaking of breaking bones… Of all phases of flight, you’d think taxing would be the time you’re least likely to get injured. You’d be surprised. Planes actually move pretty fast on the ground. So when the pilot gets an emergency STOP signal and slams on the brake, people get hurt. And by people, I mean me. I was thrown into a metal counter, slammed back against the opposite wall, ricocheted back to the counter, and then onto the floor, resulting in a fractured rib. Obviously, we had to taxi back to the gate and call the paramedics to tend to me. It was painful to breathe. Laughing was out of the question. But I still thought it was hilarious watching my flying partners run around fixing their hair and reapplying their lipstick because the firemen were coming. And when the firemen boarded, they couldn’t get to me because the galley was so crowded with flirty flight attendants pretending to be concerned.  

That time, my supervisor went with me to the ER, but by my next injury, times had changed. The next time I was sent to the hospital was thanks to an onboard electrocution. This time, I was told to go get an EKG and handed bus directions to a clinic in downtown San Francisco. What? This wasn’t a shock, it was an electrocution. They grounded the plane and took it out of service, but I wasn’t even given bus fare, just directions. 

Thankfully, the EKG was normal and I was fine. But it’s not every day one gets electrocuted. The coffee pots onboard are made of metal and lock into place. Being super efficient, I grabbed both handles at the same time, thereby creating an electrical circuit. I started screaming, but I couldn’t let go. It was like my hands were made of magnets. After a few seconds, all the rattling somehow broke the circuit and I was thrown back. My flying partner witnessed it all and said she saw a spark fly off my head. Afterwards, she called the cockpit and I overheard her say, “No, she’s still with us.”  ….Hilarious.           

But my worst injury to date and the one I can’t find anything to laugh about was the injury I sustained to my neck. I lost nine months of my life and some of my memory laying around in bed and getting addicted to pain medicine. One operation later and a little piece of cadaver in my spine and I’m as good as new. Knock on wood. 

Come to think of it, there were a few funny moments. I said some pretty crazy things whacked out on drugs, and my daughter does a hilarious reenactment of me fainting. But my personal favorite… as I was being wheeled into surgery and just before going under, the nurse said, “Are you ready, Stephanie?” My last words before blackout: “I’m not Stephanie.”